J'adore

For somethings I like to refer to the dictionary, just to find real meaning of a word, a better understanding lets say.

Love (noun)
1. A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.
2. A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance.
3.
a. Sexual passion.
b. Sexual intercourse.
c. A love affair.
4. An intense emotional attachment, as for a pet or treasured object.
5. A person who is the object of deep or intense affection or attraction; beloved. Often used as a term of endearment.
6. An expression of one's affection

Reading through I find that all accurate to the way I feel, and the way I've felt for the past 9 months.
I've only ever told one person that I love them, of course I love my family and I defiantly love my friends, I tell them at every given opportunity, but last July, was the first time in my whole life that I realised I was head over heels, in love.

So, I'll be honest, not once in my life have I had a boyfriend, come to think of it, until last year I've never even had a lot of attention from the opposite sex, of course you get a couple of admirers, but nothing to write home about.
When we all left primary school and went to secondary school all my female friends began to get boyfriends, though I'll admit at age 12 it's hardly the most serious of relationships, unfortunately I felt completely left out, but that's what happens to the 'ugly ducklings' in the group, which I turned out to be the only one. My circle of friends promptly changed and I began mixing with a group of guys who were in a band, and they remained my best friends until I left school. I moved on with college and then work, and still guys showed a lack of interest in me, and adding my lack of self confidence to the mix probably didn't help the situation. I would cry, and not understand why no one was interested in me, overall I'm a fairly decent girl.
I've been on dates and I've been 'seeing' guys, but it's never amounted to anything, and a disastrous ending has been the norm for most of them.

Being with my now best friends, my confidence grew, not saying that I'm the most self confident person that you'll meet, far from it, but step by step I'm getting there.

The Internet, a fantastic medium, and I've met many friends on here, nowadays it's easier if you take into consideration sites like myspace and facebook, I'm sure the list is endless. Before the days of friendster, Internet forums were the best way of meeting people, and so I joined a few, not at all for dating purposes, but just to chat about things I like with people that share the same or similar interest. Seeing as I have a lot to say for myself, I talked to a lot of people, and met a guy 'got me' or as much as you can get online. The forum had arranged a meet at one of the summer festivals in June that a lot of people were attending because of a certain band. The meet came and I saw this guy, recognising him from several photos that he had posted on the "What do you look like" section of the forum. He was playing in a five-a-side football match at the time of the meet, so we stood and watched him play football, which was more thirty-a-side, but that's besides the point. By this point I was slightly under the influence, being as it was the first day of the festival, also me being so shy I never said anything, I left and went back to my campsite seeing as the football match was never ending and new people constantly jumping over the small fences to join in. The guy was gorgeous, so I didn't introduce myself for any other reason than shyness on my behalf.

The next month he was coming to London for a gig, which a lot of us were attending, again another forum meeting was taking place. We had been texting for nearly two months, and we got along like a house on fire. About 8 of us had planned to stay in 2 rooms a London hotel that night, we had planned for him to stay with us as well seeing as he lived a 6 hour car journey away and we also knew the chances of the show ending late were fairly high. The evening was great, and spending the night with him was even better, even though we were sharing a room with two of my female friends, so it was fairly innocent.
When he left, we continued to speak nearly every night on the phone and text everyday, we met up every month if we could, and then we would stay in a hotel for a few days, it was perfect.
Let me refer you to the first paragraph of this blog, this is how I feel, I'm in love with this amazing guy, who I can talk to about anything, and he makes me smile in a way that no one else can.
It hasn't been easy, I don't want to bore you with the details, and also people tend to judge the situation if I mention certain things.
I want to see him every single day, but I can't, and that is so hard to cope with, but you keep it going because you hope there is some kind of chance that things will eventually go the way you've been dreaming for.
Hopefully, if money allows I'll get to spend a few more (long awaited) days with him next month.

I love him. I love him the way that I don't feel love like that for anyone else, and I don't want to feel it for anyone else, I want him.