As of the 29th of next month, I'll be heading to L.A with the girls, but in all honesty the first thing I feel like doing after I step of the plane is check myself into rehab.
This year so far had stressed me out to the max, I've suffered panic attacks, complete loss of appetite, lathargicness, mood swings, jealousy, insomnia, and that is to name just a few.
In this year, I've cried a lot, I'm a bit of an emotional wreck as of late, I'm not really used to so many bad things happening like they have done recently, but my god, when they happen, they sure do happen, it's never just the one thing, it's 4 or 5 things all at once, and it hits like a bulldozer, I never see it coming.
I will also never ask for advice or help, I like thing done my own way, at least then if something goes wrong I know who to blame, I criticize myself in a way that no one else could. That's probably why I can't stand it when situations are so out of my control, I guess you need to just ride the roller coaster like a drug.
One thing is for sure, I need to get away, I need to be away from most of the people I talk to, I need a break, I hate being constantly in a bad mood about everything. I hate that I feel lonely, when I know I'm way too busy to commit myself to anyone, or at least that's the excuse I'm using for myself. I hate missing people, and wishing situations were different after I've tried to change them but been unsuccessful. I hate caring for people that don't deserve it. I hate the feeling of being bitter.
I need to start a new chapter in my life, with all the people that do make me happy, and going to the places I'm at my happiest.
I can't wait to see friends that I miss, and that actually miss me.
This year so far had stressed me out to the max, I've suffered panic attacks, complete loss of appetite, lathargicness, mood swings, jealousy, insomnia, and that is to name just a few.
In this year, I've cried a lot, I'm a bit of an emotional wreck as of late, I'm not really used to so many bad things happening like they have done recently, but my god, when they happen, they sure do happen, it's never just the one thing, it's 4 or 5 things all at once, and it hits like a bulldozer, I never see it coming.
I will also never ask for advice or help, I like thing done my own way, at least then if something goes wrong I know who to blame, I criticize myself in a way that no one else could. That's probably why I can't stand it when situations are so out of my control, I guess you need to just ride the roller coaster like a drug.
One thing is for sure, I need to get away, I need to be away from most of the people I talk to, I need a break, I hate being constantly in a bad mood about everything. I hate that I feel lonely, when I know I'm way too busy to commit myself to anyone, or at least that's the excuse I'm using for myself. I hate missing people, and wishing situations were different after I've tried to change them but been unsuccessful. I hate caring for people that don't deserve it. I hate the feeling of being bitter.
I need to start a new chapter in my life, with all the people that do make me happy, and going to the places I'm at my happiest.
I can't wait to see friends that I miss, and that actually miss me.
I also need someone who would be willing to take me there. "Life is what happens to you, while you're busy making other plans."
- John Lennon
1 comment:
Love you man x
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